Congratulations on What Now?

Today I received an email from a wedding vendor congratulating me on my first wedding anniversary.  What a sweet gesture, right?  Only there is one problem, I am not married.  The vendor was on that my ex and I used while planning our wedding.  To my surprise, I was not hit with a bumper crop of emotions by the appearance of this email.  I have gone through breakups before, but this one was different.  This was different because it was leading to marriage and marriage was something that I had desired for a long time.  qtq80-Vsr59q

I had to make the tough decision to call off my engagement (which reminds me, I have a wedding gown to sell) and end a three year relationship.  Now, before you start giving me the “you go girl” cheers, I have to be real with you.  I ignored red flags, the warnings of my support system, my own gut instinct, and the Voice of God.  Because of my ignore game, I went through a WHOOOOOOOOLE lot of unecessary crap.  I was a woman in love with potential (we will talk about being in love with potential later).

But I digress, back to my facination about my lack of emotion over the email.  When I read the email, I felt a sense of peace about the decision I made.  When peace took over, I knew that I was healed from the realtionship.  You see, sometimes, the end of a thing is just the beginning of something greater and a loss really is not a loss.  Once my engagement ended, I started two businesses, met my favorite NFL Quarterback, and many other things that I was not able to do while in that relationship.  Staying in a toxic relationship was no longer and option.  Did it hurt to call off my engagement? Yes.  Am I glad the relationship is over? ABSOLUTELY!  The things I have learned and experienced created a happy ending and exciting beginning.  Toxic relationships, whether they are business or personal, kill.  Toxic relationships will stop you from slaying the goals you set and finishing things you have started.  Toxic relationships will keep you stagnant and prevent you from living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

How do I know I was in a toxic relationship?  When I stopped liking the person I saw in the mirror while I was with him.  I did not like the woman who dulled her shine to stroke his ego.  I did not like the woman who stopped slaying her goals out of fear of losing my him.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not hate my ex and I wish him the absolute best;  however, just because you love someone does not mean they have to be directly connected to your life.  My joy, peace, and creativity depend on me being free of toxicity.

I am thankful for the email reminder because it caused me to think about where I am now compared to where I was while in the relationship,  Freedom is a precious gift. It is your job to protect it.  Do not be afaid to remove your self from toxic relationships.  Your future self with thank you for it.  Ready…Set…LIVE!!!


EmPOWERed Action:

Grab your journal for this one.

  1.  Write down the names of the people in your inner circle, casual relationships and professional relationships.
  2. Beside each name, write down how you feel and/or accomplish when are with them.
  3. Beside each name, write down if that person adds to or subtracts from your well being.
  4. Create your toxic relationship exit strategy.  What are you going to do to get out and stay out of the toxic relationship?

Fertilizer Days

Growing up, I remember watching my god mother take care of her garden during one of my visits to West Virginia. She would painstakenly pull up weeds, till the soil, and intricately place seeds in well crafted rows.  She had an amazing green thumb and her garden looked like something out of Home and Garden magazine.  One this one particular visit, I watched as she dragged out a huge bag that had the word “manure” written on it.  I watched as she gathered up all her strength to pull this bag into her garden, drop it next to the area where she was working and cut the bag open in order to distribute the contents inside.  Maaaaaaaaaaaan when she opened that bag!  Ooooooweeee the most awful smell consumed the air.  Me, being my curious self, asked my god mother what the word “manure” meant (I knew what it smelled like, but I had to ask).  Now, my god mother (God rest her soul) was never one to shy away from using colorful words and she did not shy away from telling the truth.  She looked me straight in the eye and said these words…“Baby girl, it’s sh*t.  Sometimes your seeds have to be covered in sh*t in order to get beautiful flowers and vegetables in your garden.”  qtq80-5TLuCn

At the time, I did not realize how profound that statement was.  All I knew was manure smelled really bad and I did not like that, but it played a part in the growth of fresh vegetables to eat and beautiful flowers to view.  When I reached adulthood I realized what my god mother meant.  Life can be like a garden.  We plant seeds with our hopes, goals, and dreams.  We water our seeds and till our soil only to see bad weeds pop up in the midst of our hard work.  Then we get fertilizer added to soil.

It is because of that day with my god mother, I have been calling my bad days “fertilizer days”.  Every day will not be full of gum drops and rainbows.  Some days will feel like you have been pushed into a huge pile of manure with no way of escape.  To be real, I have had plenty of fertilizer days.  This week alone has me longing for fresh air. From being knocked down because of the flu to trying to navigate through work stress and catching up on things that I was unable to do.  I can honestly say, this week has not been easy and I have shed some tears; however, I cannot help but think there are seeds in my garden that need to be fertilized.

I have learned that fertlizer days always produce things so beautiful and greater than I could ever imagine. I have gained wisdom from fertilizer days.  I have gained strength from fertilizer days.  I have even gained some wonderful life-long friendships from fertilizer days.  I am pretty sure your garden (life) has seen its share of manure. It is not about the manure, it is about the growth produced.  The weight of the bag may be heavy, the contents of the bag may stink to high heaven but when those seeds turn into beautiful flowers and fresh vegetables, you will forget about the manure.  Guess what!  All those seeds you have been planting need fertilizer to grow, but do not worry, your garden has already started to be beautiful.



EmPOWERed Action:  

Grab your journal for this one.  Whenever you have a fertilizer day, write down what happen during this time that was not plesant for you.  Next, write down what you can learn from this fertilizer day.  Finally,  write down how this day can better prepare you for what comes next.

Who is in Your Network?

This week, I have had the pleasure of speaking with some fellow entrepreneurs and one phrase kept coming up
in our conversation “Your network is your networth”.  This phrase usually applies to creating commas in ones bank account, but I began to think about how it could be applied to every day life.  I began to think about the people in my network.  I thought about each individual’s characteristics, how long they have been in my life, and how they have influenced me.  Each individual had different qualities that have helped to shape me into the woman I am today.  I noticed that my network got smaller at different stages of life.  Even though the number got smaller, chs-mainstreet1the quality of the network got better.

Your network should consist of individuals who have a positive influence in your life.  They should be able to propel you to higher heights and even challenge you to do better.  They applaud and encourage your growth.  They motivate you to try one more time when you want to throw in the towel.  They help to enhance your quality of life.  When you have a solid network, your networth (joy, peace, health, wealth) increases.

Never be afraid to make adjustments when necessary to your network.  Evaluate your friendships, associations, and connections.  If you see that you are not progressing, it may be time to downsize.  Your network is too valuable!


EmPOWERed Action:  Make a list of the people in your network.  Write down what it is that keeps them in your inner circle.  Evaluate each relationship on a scale of 1-5 (5 being positive influence and 1 being a negative influence).


Too Much? Girl Bye!

While having lunch with a friend, I had a scary thought.  One that could have derailed everything that I have been working so hard to achieve.  My heart began to race, tears began to fill my eyes, and I felt a huge lump in my throat. Thank God my friend was there with a quick “Girl bye” to snap me back to reality because I was headed to left field and fast.  I actually thought, “Am I doing too much?”

What brought about this question was my friend and I discussing goals for 2017.  I had expressed some mighty big things that I wanted to accomplish.  One of them being the Recharge Retreat on August 18th-20th (insert pause here so you can save-the-date.  See what I did there? hehehe)  The majority of the things I would like to accomplish are things that will take me2016-01-17 12.51.55 way out of my comfort zone and will require a great deal of work.  Am I afraid of a little hard work? Nope.  What I do fear is taking on too much and getting overwhelmed.  Then, my friend uttered those two powerful words, “Girl Bye”.  Those two words reminded me of who I am, what I do, and Who has given me the strength to do all things.

When I got home, I pulled out my journal and sat in front of my 2016 vision board. Doing this helped to compare the plan that was written in my journal to what was placed on my 2016 vision board.  I use these tools as a road map to make sure I continue on the right goal slaying path.  Each goal set for 2016 has two things attached to them: 1. a plan and 2. a time line. One of the most important things about setting and slaying goals is that you have to be smart.  I don’t mean smart as in how intelligent you are, but SMART as in Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Timely (we will get into setting and slaying SMART goals at a later time).  Seeing what was written helped to take away the anxiety that I had felt earlier in the day.  I could see the goals that had already been slayed (reached, surpasses, accomplished, checked off, done…) and how far I’ve come since the beginning of the year. Now, there is a renewed strength to keep going.  There is an excitement about what is yet to come and I realize that my friend was right.  I had not taken on too much, I had just stepped out of my comfort zone.  Staying comfortable is not an option when there are goals to slay.

Has anyone ever told you that wonderful things happen outside of your comfort zone?  Yeah, it’s true!  You discover things about yourself that you never knew.  You learn that things you once thought were impossible are actually possible.  You learn that with proper planning,  you don’t get overwhelmed and you are able to get more accomplished.  YOU CAN DO IT!  Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

EmPOWERed Action:  Write down three goals that would cause you to step out of your comfort zone.