How Loving Him and Him and Beyoncé Revealed Self-hatred

Let me start off by saying I absolutely LOVE Beyoncé! She’s beautiful, talented, business savvy, beautiful…wait…I said beautiful already. Here’s the thing, Beyoncé is FINE! Legs for days. Silky caramel skin that doesn’t show signs of a single stretch mark after birthing three babies. THREE BABIES YA’LL! And don’t get me to talking about this chick’s snapback game. I mean…come on! Now, before you start with the “she has money”, “she probably had surgery”, or “she had a surrogate carry dem babies” STOP. Queen B herself revealed that she has struggled with body issues in the September issue of Vogue magazine (where she is on the cover by the way). This blog is not about bashing Beyoncé or the men whom I decided to share my space with even though I knew they were not good for me. This blog is about how God used my love for the wrong men and Beyoncé to reveal self-hatred within my heart.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve gotten myself into some really bad relationships. Some started off great and then took a turn that most of my friends saw coming a mile away ‘cause, in the words of my friend, Adeea, they be knowin’. After having my heart broken for the umpteenth time and a broken engagement, I had to do some self-evaluating.

Thus, began my journey. I grabbed my journal and started asking myself questions like:

  • What is within you that is attracting the same guy?
  • How can you keep your feelings of loneliness from pushing you into the arms of Mr. All-The-Way-Wrong?
  • How are you going to set your standards of beauty to match God’s standard?

I would look at myself in the mirror and find myself wishing I had Beyoncé’s flawless skin and snatched waistline. My thought was maybe if I had the snatched waistline, a particular guy would love me. You see, I’ve dated a man who had no issue with having sex with me yet tell me that he was not physically attracted to me. How Sway? I worked out like a maniac just to be the size 8 that he wanted. Guess what! He still dogged me even after my getting to a point where you could bounce a one hundred dollar bill on my behind to make change. After that terrible breakup, I gained every ounce of weight back and that weight brought friends along who hang on tighter than a clingy boo.

Did I learn from that relationship? Nope. Two years later, I was in another relationship that again, started out great, but didn’t take long for the true colors to show. And once again…my friends knew this guy was Mr. All The Way Wrong, but I didn’t listen. I allowed the spirits of rejection, abandonment, and self-hate rule. This time it got so bad that this man had me thinking I was totally not worth the love God desired for me. At one point, I begged this toxic man to take me back. God removed the poison and I begged for it. My mindset was fixated on having someone in my life, even though I hated the person I became while with him.

Hunti, I was wounded and didn’t allow God to heal my brokenness. It was hard to see through the pain of rejection. Truth be told, a part of me didn’t want to see past the pain because I felt it was what I deserved. God’s vision for my life was skewed to the point that I stopped trying to do what I knew He had called me to do. The crazy thing is I would have many sleepless nights thinking of all the people who were waiting for me to get and stay in position. What a hot mess! Thank God for His grace, mercy, and faithfulness.

Today, I can say that I am on the road to recovery. Why on the road to recovery and not fully recovered? Because every day I learn something new about myself and about God. As long as there is life in my body, I will continue to evolve. Let’s face it, no one is the same person they were five, ten, or fifteen years ago. Evolution is a process in itself. The more you know your God and yourself, the greater your success.

The first stage of the journey had to be the toughest because it took some deep soul searching. I had to be honest with myself and admit I hated the person staring back at me. I wanted to change everything about me. All I saw was my imperfections and the flaws bestowed upon me by the men who once said they would never hurt me. All I saw was Bey’s what-seemed-like perfect life and wished I had half of what she had not without the thought that maybe just maybe she had not so pleasant days too (this was later confirmed with the release of Lemonade). I had to face the common denominator in all of these failed relationships…me. Please don’t think all I did was beat myself up. Nah. With every negative thing I said about myself, I said three positive things. Knowing early on to disable the self-hate talk is what got me through. I started to see that below the surface were still deep waters that flowed. With a better understanding of myself, I moved on to the hard part.

Forgiveness.

I had to forgive myself for making bad choices with my heart. I had to forgive the men who I allowed to abuse me. I even had to forgive Beyoncé for being Beyoncé. Ok, maybe that was a stretch, but I did have to forgive myself for wanting to be like someone else. Every day I would look in the mirror and say out loud “I forgive me”. Speaking those words helped to slowly cause the guilt and shame to disappear. With each “relationship”, I wrote out the lessons I learned and what I would do differently whenever I was released to date again.

My prayer for you is that you allow yourself time to heal from past relationship wounds and forgive yourself fully. Sometimes, it’s not the relationship that leaves us broken but the wounds, guilt, and shame that keeps us bound. You are a treasure. Remember that.

Forgiveness is a major key to slaying life without apology. Without it, you will forever be bound to bitterness.

Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

EmPOWERed Action:

Grab your journal and answer the following questions. Think about your past relationship(s).

  • What commonalities do you see in each relationship?
  • What was your emotional state when you entered each relationship?
  • In what ways do you think you have healed?
  • What can you do to proactively prepare for when loneliness appears?

Take your time with these journal entries. Allow God to speak to you and lead you on the path of healing.

 

 

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. Tracey is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, author, and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

Pre-order Tracey’s new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop Proclaiming BS

I am fired up! I mean the kind of fired up that caused me to do a live broadcast on Periscope. The kind of fired up that had me hotter than fish grease. What had me so fired up? Facebook posts. YES, FACEBOOK POSTS! Normally, these things do not bother me and I am able to scroll on by smiling from ear-to-ear.  Not this time.  This time, I had to comment because of what I saw.

On my Facebook timeline, I saw four of my good (real-life) friends post about things that they were feeling at the time.  Yes, I know people can post whatever they want and I am not saying people do not have the right to have feelings or post on their page.  It was what they proclaimed in their posts that bothered me. It was Sunday night and all of the posts talked about how bad Monday was going to be, how depressed they are on Sunday night around the same time because Monday was coming, how the entire week was going to suck…BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

This bothered me because my friends have formed their future and did not even realize what they had done.  For starters, it was Sunday night.  Sunday had not ended before they proclaimed that Monday and the rest of the week would be bad.  Secondly, we do not control the future yet my friends worried about what tomorrow would bring. We do not know what will happen for us in the next five minutes, but they had commanded the next 24 hours to be full of gloom and doom.

I understand we might have a bad day; however, just because we have a bad day does not mean we have a bad life. Just because last Monday was rough does not mean the same circumstances will happen again.  What I do not understand is why it is so easy for us to speak death over our own lives.

STOP PROCLAIMING BS!

You know what BS is, right?

  • Broken Scenarios.
  • Busted Systems.
  • Bummed Spirits.
  • Broken Souls.

STOP IT!

 

 

Words have the power to shape our lives which makes them valuable. You can not have a blessed life if you speak things that contradict the blessings.  You can not expect positive things to happen in your life if you speak negative things over your life. Every time you say, “I am going to have a bad day” or “This week is going to suck”, guess what you are going to get. Yep…a bad day and a week that sucks. I know, I know, it is hard to keep a positive attitude when everything around you seems to be going downhill fast. Have you ever had a situation change for the better when you spoke negatively? Something amazing happens when you make a conscious decision and effort to create a positive space. Maybe, just maybe, your attitude about what you are dealing with will change thus causing the situation to get lighter.

You may have read this blog and thought this is a bunch of BS itself.  Nah. I have had to adjust my words many times and seen great results. The results came in the form my stress level decreasing, my hope in the future being renewed, and clarity that helped me figure out ways to change my situation. I got tired of living a toxic life. I knew that what I had been doing was not helping me or changing what I had to face. I had to throw out the garbage in my mind. I work on speaking life daily especially when there are bad days. I have to train my mind to think differently. I have come too far to remain in a dead place. So have you.

EmPOWERed Action

This week, listen to yourself.  Every time you say something negative, write it down. At the end of the week, look at how many times you have spoken death over yourself and compare the negative words with your day.

Replace every negative with words that are positive. Train your mouth and your mind to speak life.

Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

Meet Your EmPOWERment Agent

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. Tracey is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, author and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

 

Pre-order Tracey’s new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

Five Things A Woman Should Do For Herself

One of my sweet clients stated during our accountability session her husband has encouraged her to do something nice for herself. He offered to watch the kids for the weekend so she could go and enjoy herself.
Get this, he even gave her spending money! (Good job, dude!)
My client, like most of us superwomen, has felt guilty about taking time away from her husband and children for an hour let alone an entire weekend.
So, me with my inquisitive self, asked her, “Well, what are you going to do?”  To my surprise and excitement, she said “I’ve booked a weekend at a bed and breakfast”.  YES!!!  Breakthrough!!!  
Many women, like myself, may not have the blessing of having a husband who sees the value of his wife taking to time recharge.  But, we all have lives that come with responsibilities and sometimes stress.
My client could have said no to her husband’s gift, a matter of fact, she has said no in the past.  It was not until she realized her own value that she decided it was a good thing for her to get away.  My client’s get-a-way is now a part of her self-care plan. OK, I hear you saying, “Tracey, I can’t take a weekend away all the time.”  Guess what!  Neither can I, but there are some things that we all can do for ourselves (and I highly recommend you should do them at least once).
Take a look at the five things a woman should do for herself (at least once).  This list is a guide only.  Hopefully, this list will spark ideas within you.  Be sure to check apps like Groupon for special deals on services in your area.

Treat Herself to a Spa Day

Ladies, there is something about being at the spa.  You can’t help but leave feeling relaxed, rejuvenated and with skin as soft as a newborn baby. Depending on the treatments you select, a spa day can be a bit pricey.  If your budget permits, go for the gusto. If not, check with the local masseuse schools in your area.  Many programs offer massages administered by their students at a fraction of the cost.

 

Send Herself Flowers

You do not have to wait for Valentine’s Day, a special occasion or a boo to send you a beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers. One year, I decided to send myself flowers when the seasons changed. So, four times a year, I got flowers delivered to my job and had everybody guessing. I was not being deceitful. I proudly said I was the one sending the flowers when my co-workers asked. I even wrote an inspiring message on the card. Of course, some people gave me their two cents about what I was doing with MY MONEY, but hey…I didn’t care. I had flowers and they did not (sticks out tongue).

Take a Solo Vacation

This one may take some planning but it is soooooo worth it! It is nothing for me to take a solo trip.  My theory is if I wait for other people to travel with me, I’d never go anywhere. I have traveled solo to Hawaii, St Lucia, and beaches in my state.  Again, if your budget permits, go for it.  Depending on where you want to travel and the time of year, you can find a lot of vacation packages.  I have used a travel agent in the past to find deals because my schedule was full and I did not have the time to research places.  Again, check out sites like Groupon and Travelzoo for last minute deals and vacation packages.

Journal

This one may be my favorite.  I have been journaling for most of my life.  It amazes me when I look back and see how much I have grown.  Journaling is a great way to have a brain dump.  And this is little to no cost.  You don’t have to have a fancy journal.  A spiral notebook would work just as fine.  Write like nobody’s business.  You will be surprised at how much better you feel after a good journal entry.

 

Take a Dance Class

When I was a little girl, I had this dream of dancing with the Alvin Ailey Dance Company.  I still love to dance, but I’ve hung up my dream of being an Alvin Ailey dancer.  One of the most fun dance classes I took was a pole dancing class. Yes, pole dancing!  I have a new found respect for exotic dancers because the upper body strength and confidence needed to work the pole.  HUNTI!!!! I had muscles flexing in places I did not know existed.  I also love Bellydancing.  Talk about feeling sexy.  I was able to get both classes at a really low cost by taking the class at a studio in my area. Check your local dance studios and colleges/university dance programs for offerings.

BONUS:  Lose the Guilt

I have said it once and I will say it again…

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TAKING TIME OUT FOR YOURSELF!

Even Wonder Woman took a break, therefore you can too.

Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

EmPOWERed Action:

Create a list of at least five things that you can do to help yourself recharge.  Copying this list does not count. Be creative but be mindful of your budget and life responsibilities.

Need help with making self-care a priority? Schedule your consultation today.

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. She is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

 

Pre-order her new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

Old School Thunderstorm Logic

There has been a good bit of thunderstorms popping up in my area the last few weeks.  This is nothing new, especially when it is summer time in the south.  Sometimes, the storms appear out of nowhere and disappear as quickly as they came. These storms brought back a memory from my childhood that made me chuckle.  Let me explain.
My mother was old school and from the south.  If you grew up in the south, you will relate to what I say next. Whenever there was a thunderstorm, my mom required me to turn off and unplug everything, move away from windows, hang up the phone if I was on it, and sit still in silence because “The Lord was speaking”.  This would not be so bad if it wasn’t 1000 degrees mixed with southern humidity.  I had to sit in total silence with no air circulating.  Not even a fan.  I’d be dehydrated and 3000 pounds lighter by the time the storm passed!  Sorry…had a flashback there… Transparent moment:  To this day, I still will not talk on the phone when there is a storm. Depending on how bad the storm is, I will turn the TV off AND unplug everything (don’t judge me.  LOL)
I can imagine God getting a good chuckle out of mommy’s thunderstorm logic.  Although sitting still, in the dark, in 1000 degree heat/humidity was not a pleasant experience, I see the value in doing this now that I’m older.  I’m not sure if my mother realized what she was teaching me.  Whenever a thunderstorm would arise, mom would always say “Be quiet, the Lord is speaking.”  At the time, I thought this was her way of keeping me quiet and out of her way, but now I see the wonderful lessons.
When the storms of life pop up, instead of running from the storm, I learned to disconnect from all of the distractions and reconnect to the One who gives me peace in the midst of the storm.  Unplugging the television and hanging up the phone has taught me how to remove the chatter of others.  When going through things, people will do their best to give advice.  Sometimes it is great advice, sometimes it is not.  Unfortunately, sometimes people will say things to keep us off track.
Moving away from windows and sitting in the dark taught me how to place my focus not on the storm but on God the Creator of the storm.  Now, you may be thinking, this is so easy to do when everything is all good.  Yes, that’s true; however, when putting the focus on God and His goodness, the raging storm turns into a drizzle.
Being quiet taught me how to listen.  Sometimes, God speaks in a still small voice.  A voice so quiet that if my mind is occupied with distractions, I don’t hear Him.  There have been moments when I was having an all-out meltdown during my prayer time and heard God say ever so softly, “I got you”.   That moment of comfort changed my entire attitude about what I was going through.
Sitting in the heat taught me how to be resilient and to appreciate the storm passing.  (Insert church shout right here). Have you ever noticed what the sky looks like after a storm?  The sun shines brighter and the clouds look fluffier. Every once in awhile there will be a rainbow which I believe is a reminder that God is always with me.   For instance, if I had never been sick (a storm), I would have never known God to be my Healer.  If I had never been homeless and broke (a storm), I would have never known God to be my Provider.  If my daughter had not died (a storm), I would have never known God to be my Comforter.
NO, I’m not saying that you have to go through tragedies in order to know God.  What I am saying is there is a blessing in every storm and God is ALWAYS with us no matter what.
Thank you, mommy, for teaching me these valuable lessons.  You have equipped me to be able to tell my storms about my God and HE is AWESOME!
EmPOWERed Action:  Now it’s your turn.  Grab your journal and create a space for you to disconnect from your distractions.  No TV.  No cell phone.  No internet.  Listen for the Lord to speak and write down what He says. Incorporate this quiet time into your daily routine.
Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. She is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

 

Pre-order her new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

Seven Days Unplugged: The Value of Disconnecting

I did not know that it was possible. I thought it was going to be a real struggle, but it was not. I do not miss it and I actually do not want to go back to it. What is “it”? Social Media. YES!  Social Media. I have been unplugged from Social Media for seven days.  No Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Twitter…nothing. The only Social Media site I used was Periscope because of my commitment to broadcast every morning.

You may be wondering why an online based business would unplug from Social Media, especially when the social networks are how we generate leads and revenue. Well…it was not my decision. Allow me to explain. During my morning prayer time, I heard the Lord tell me to unplug.  Ok, no biggie.  I have had to unplug before so I did not hesitate to unplug again. During Lent season this year, I gave up the television so unplugging was easy for me.  I barely watch television anyway except for my DVR’d shows. No problem, so I thought.  WRONG! When God said unplug, this time He meant from all of my Social Media accounts both personal and business. (Insert gigantic gasp with a long dramatic sigh)

After a slight meltdown, I gave God every excuse I could think of as to why this was not a good idea. I explained to God that this was how I generated revenue and got my business out there to new people. Yes, I tried it. As if God did not know all of this already.  God quickly reminded me that He is my lead generator. So, of course, I unplugged and it was wonderful!

For seven splendid days, I filled my mind and spirit with positive things. I was intentional with what I read, what I heard, and what I consumed. For seven splendid days, I was not obsessed with likes, comments, and retweets.  For seven splendid days, I was not concerned about who followed and/or unfollowed me. For seven splendid days, I prayed and fasted with great results. I can not remember the last time my mind was so clear. PURE BLISS! There was no negativity in Traceyland and it felt great. Alas, I have to return to Social Media, but it is funny that I really do not want to go back. I thought I would be unable to stay in this sweet space of tranquility and peace once I returned. (Kanye Shrug) WRONG AGAIN!

Social Media has its pluses; however, just like anything else in life, there are some instances that make Social Media a challenge. I can keep my peace, tranquility, and clarity by disconnecting from the negative nuances on my feed. The unfriend and block buttons are amazing tools. Use them. You will thank me later.

Allow me to share a few of the valuable things I learned and gained while being unplugged. I hope you will see the value of disconnecting.

SLEEP 

I slept soooooooo good.  I went bed earlier because I had no status to update nor did I get caught in the vortex of videos that automatically play after you watch the one video that you really wanted to see. You know what I am talking about. All I wanted to see was a baby eating lemons for the first time and next thing I know, five hours have passed. Now, I know how to combat this. When I return to social media, I will set up a timer and log off when the time is up. This will help me to focus on my work and not overextend myself.

INTERACTING WITH REAL PEOPLE

Surprise! People actually do exist outside of a computer screen.  Yeah, they talk and everything! Go figure. Seriously, it was nice to be able to be around real people and have in-depth conversations with no hashtags. What was really great was none of us were on our phones while we were together enjoying life. It is a pleasure being around people who make you forget to look at your phone. I have added a new goal. I am making it a priority to get out and interact with people in real life intentionally. This should be interesting (introvert challenge).

CLARITY

Being unplugged allowed me to think clearly and be creative. There was no clutter for me to connected to my mind during this time. Fresh ideas sprung up like a spring flower blooming for the first time. My focus was on God and what He had to say. Oh boy did He have a ton of things to say! It was refreshing. I was reminded of how I enjoyed what I call my date nights with God. Now, when I block time on my calendar daily for prayer. I have to be honest, these are the best dates I have ever been on.

These are just a few examples. In order to keep this blog from being a novel, I will not share everything. Just know that in seven days, so much has changed for the better. There is value in disconnecting and the value is priceless.

Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

EmPOWERed Action: This week, set aside fifteen minutes each day to unplug from Social Media. Take this time to reconnect with people and yourself.

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. She is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

 

Pre-order her new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

 

 

How to stab her in the heart with a dull knife on Mother’s Day. Does Hallmark make cards for this?

While attending an event, the host took a moment to wish all the mothers a happy Mother’s Day. I was perfectly fine until it happened. A woman tapped me and said five words that cut like a knife in my heart. She said, “You are still a mother”. STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB!!! I guess the look on my face spoke volumes because she then tried to redeem herself by saying “Let me tell you about the Word” as she continued to explain her thought. STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB!!!

Real talk, I stopped her because although she was trying to make me feel better, the more she talked the angrier I got. With every word she spoke, I got hotter than fish grease at the family reunion cookout on July 4th weekend. Anger is a stage of grief. Being emotionally intelligent by knowing and recognizing where I am is a part of my healing process. I knew she meant well and I don’t expect people who have never experienced the loss of a child to understand my point of view. I do expect to be heard and I knew she was not hearing me.

She began to throw Scriptures at me. Scriptures that had nothing to do with grief, healing or even God’s love for me. THE THINGS I NEED IN THIS SEASON. She quoted Isaiah 54:17–No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper…(insert long dramatic sigh).

*PAUSE* By no means is this an attempt to bash this woman for trying but stay with me because I want to teach you something.

*PLAY* At this point, I’m thinking “Hunti…YOU have formed the weapon and you have no idea how much you are killing me right now”. The more I shook my head no or voiced my request for her to stop, the more she persisted. Granted, there is a time to be persistent but this was not the time. This was a time to put on the spirit of Kenny Rogers and know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and know when to run. Soooo…in order to not hurt this sweet lady with my words, I removed myself.

Here’s the thing, not every woman who has lost a child is in the space I am in. Not every person who has lost their mother is in the space I am in. I am in a space where God has healed parts of me, but the work continues on a daily basis. This time of year is hard for those of us who have experienced such great loss. Grief has no time limit and everyone grieves differently. Holidays can be a major trigger for grief. Saying the wrong thing is like pulling the trigger of a gun and firing a shot straight to the heart. What seems harmless can actually be very harmful. For me, Mother’s Day marks the end of my grieving season but it is usually the hardest. Why? Because I grieve the loss of my mother and my daughter. The worst thing someone can do is remind me of my loss by speaking those five words or any version of them.

Power Squad, please respect people’s wishes. Your good intention could inflict pain. Your good intention could reopen a wound that was just beginning to heal. Listen to the person who is grieving and please for the love of the Most High God, do not force your point of view on the person grieving. If you still have your mom, have never lost a child, or have been able to conceive a child you have no knowledge of that pain. If you love that person, do something to help them not harm them. Just be there for the person with an open heart, open ear, and open eyes. Be careful with your words because your words can produce life.

I have made the same request for twelve years (my daughter died twelve years ago this year) that takes some people by surprise, but I know me and I know what these words do to my heart. I have asked that no one wish me a happy Mother’s Day. Now, I do not have a problem with honoring mothers on her day, but this is my personal wish. I also ask that people do not tell me that I will “always” be a mother. No. I will always be my daughter’s mother and she is not here. Many people may not agree with my wish, but guess what…it is MY wish and I make no apologies for creating this boundary. It is a request made once a year. That’s not too much to ask, right?

One thing about living an emPOWERed life is taking time to learn your triggers, set healthy boundaries and make no apologies for healing.

For those of you who are having a tough time on this day, I am praying for you. Know that you are not alone on this journey.

EmPOWERed Action:

  1. Take a break from social media today.
  2. Make room to connect with God.
  3. Grab your journal to write out what you are feeling.
  4. Grant yourself some grace.

Upcoming Event

Join us Saturday, June 9th at Fahrenheit for the inaugural Slaying Life Without Apology Brunch as we celebrate the launch of my new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology. Early bird registration is open now.

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. She is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

 

Pre-order her new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

Take Care of Home

Oh 2018, I welcomed you with open arms and eyes full of hope. I can truly say you have been on and poppin’, but I have a confession. I’ve neglected a few things that bring me great joy. Clutch your pearls, boo, because I am about to tell you something that may seem crazy pants. 

Inhale…

Exhale…

Here goes nothing.

I haven’t written a blog on my website since the summer of 2017. I haven’t gone live on my social media. I haven’t sent an email to the Power Squad consistently. I haven’t designed new apparel. I haven’t posted on my social media accounts on the regular.

Gasp! One of my mentors brought this to my attention and I was shocked. I have not taken care of home first! (Hangs head) Now, this does not mean I have idle and twiddling my thumbs. Oh no! Quite the contrary. I have been busy contributing to other people’s blogs, posting/responding to other people’s emails and social media, being a guest on other people’s projects, and buying other people’s merchandise. I have been supporting women I admire in various ways because of the importance of community. Chasing your dreams can be a tiring, lonely journey sometimes.

In my supporting someone else’s dreams, I’ve neglected my own.  You see, sometimes, we want to be there for everyone and in doing so, we can easily lose sight of what is important to us. Now, I’m not saying that we stop supporting each other. What I am saying is be mindful when your support is causing you to lose your footing. Support in moderation is better than nothing.

In my situation, what I was doing came with some blessings. I have been able to get my name out there and make some great connections; however, I have neglected my baby which is a no-no. Always take care of home first! Your mind, your body, your spirit, your finances, your health, your business…get it? This is a form of self-care. Remember, self-care is not selfish. What you feed will grow. Think of it like this. When you fly, before the plane takes off, the Flight Attendant goes over the safety instructions (which you REALLY should pay attention to by the way). One of the instructions is in the event (God forbid) something happens to the plane, you are instructed to put on your oxygen mask FIRST before you try to help anyone. INCLUDING YOUR KIDS! Why? Because if the pressure in the cabin drops, that means there is no oxygen will circulate which means you won’t be able to breathe. If you have no oxygen, you pass out. How are you going to save anyone when you are slumped in the seat passed out? You’re not. You will actually need to be saved yourself.

Join me in taking the instruction of the Flight Attendant. Today, let’s take inventory of the things we may have put before our own needs, desires, dreams, and goals. As painful as this may be (because this means we are going to have to say “no” to some things and discontinue some things), we have to do some pruning in order to grow in the areas that God wants us to grow. Let’s face it, He is the best gardener.

EmPOWERed Action:

Grab your journal for this one. Starting today and for the next seven days, take inventory of your life. Write down the answers to the following questions:

  • What have I said “yes” to in the last 90 days?
  • Does saying “yes” take me away from things that bring me joy and/or add to my life in a positive manner?
  • How has saying “yes” helped my growth?
  • How has saying “yes” hindered my growth?
  • What are the things I will gracefully decline starting today?
  • Is saying “no” a permanent decision or is it for a season?
  • How has saying “no” helped my growth?

Just in time to get your 2018 and beyond poppin’, we have 1-on-1 consultations available to assist you with taking care of self. Click here ⇒ Schedule My Session Today

 

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. She is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

Pre-order her new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

Depression is R.E.A.L.

Two years ago, not far from the city where I live, a teenager jumped from a bridge ending her life.  Her social media account revealed multiple cries for help.  Her last tweet was absolutely heartbreaking.  It read “When you go to your mom about your stress and mental issueqtq80-ZZt943s and you are told to get over it”.  Not only was this baby told to get over it by the one person who she thought could help her, but the comments after that were absolutely gut-wrenching.

One comment read “Your mom is right, you do complain a lot and you need to get over it”.  Now, before you think I am judging this young woman’s mother and those who commented…STOP.  This blog is a judgment-free, safe space; however, if you have been a regular reader, you know I will give it to you straight with no chaser in love.  This baby suffered, cried out for help and everyone missed it.  Everyone! Unfortunately, her story is not unique at all.

A few days after this young woman took her life, Kanye West was hospitalized.  There are different reports stating why he was hospitalized but the majority point towards a mental health issue.  Just like the young woman I mentioned above, Kanye has suffered for years.  I truly believe he is still grieving for his mother and did like myself and most people have done, he threw himself into work instead of dealing with it.  Now, I am not in Kanye’s circle and like most in the world, I am on the outside looking in.  As someone who has suffered great loses, been told to get over it, and put on a brave face; Kanye was bound to break.  I hate to see someone go through the breakdown, but I hope something good comes out of this.  I pray Kanye gets the help that he needs and brings awareness to mental health.

Just recently, two high-profile celebrities committed suicide within days of each other. Lest we forget the hundreds of everyday people who commit suicide. Matter of fact, the suicide rate in the United States is at an all-time high. We have a problem, peeps.

There is a common thread I saw in the death of the young woman I mentioned above, Kanye and those who are gone way too soon. Humans have made some horrible comments.

Listen, if you have never experienced the death of a loved one, battled depression or battled with mental health issues…HUSH YA FACE!

Depression is REALqtq80-65MuP3.  Mental Illness is REAL. To those of you who are dealing with depression or other types of mental illness, I want you to know that you are NOT weak, you are NOT alone, and there is HOPE for you.  You do not have to suffer in silence.

What you do have to do is get R.E.A.L. with what you are facing.

R-Recognize your triggers and seek out professional help.  Going to a counselor is not a bad thing and if someone has a problem with you seeking help, they have an issue NOT YOU.

E-Expect tough moments but know that you can get over them.  When I say get over them, it is not meant as a brush off.  It is meant as a victory chant.  Getting over it means you can overcome the hurdle.

A-Accept the fact that you will have highs and lows.  Your grief process is yours and no one else’s. No two journeys are the same.  Find the tools that help you through the process. Seeking help does NOT make you weak.

L-Love yourself.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.  He loves you.  Every single part of you.

Finally, please do me a favor and do not suffer in silence.  Do not isolate yourself.  If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  This line is available 24 hours a day, seven days per week.

I love you and need you around to emPOWER the world.  Praying for you daily.

EmPOWERed Action:  Check on your strong friends.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 

 

Tracey Massey is a servant leader whose assignment is helping others live an emPOWERed life. She is a Certified Life Coach, speaker, and founder of Living My EmPOWERed Life LLC a service based company teaching women how to slay life without apology. Rooted in faith, Tracey is known for her method of teaching others how to overcome roadblocks with action. Her triumphant testimony recharges your hope for the future. Get plugged in with Tracey to start living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.

 

Pre-order her new book Standard Operating Procedures to Slaying Life Without Apology

 

I Cried in My Ice Cream

I try to be the type of person who sees the glass as half full, but sometimes I want to pick that glass up and throw it across the room.  For ten days straight (yes, I counted them), blow after blow hit me like a ton of bricks.  It seemed like I had a target on my back and every hell hound had been sent to attack my goals, plans, and thoughts.  From having to postpone the release of retreat packages because technology hated me to being late for work because someone decided to park behind my car in the parking lot of my complex, life came at me fast and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.  My stress level was ridiculously high.  Do not get me started about how disappointed I was when I missed deadlines.  Uggg!!!

By the time the weekend arrived, I was spent.  There was no fight left in me so I waved my white flag as a sign of surrender.  Surrendering was tough.  Really tough.  For me, surrendering meant I had given up.  The agony of defeat was a weight that was too heavy for me to carry.  The things that happened were beyond my control, but for some reason, I thought I could control it.  I felt like I was making excuses for why I failed.  Superwoman had to hang up her cape.  So, I took my deflated spirit to the nearest grocery store and bought a half pint of ice cream, sprinkles, chocolate sauce, and caramel sauce.  This was not a game.  It was a level 10, code blue situation that only cookies-n-cream could resolve.

I got home and grabbed my favorite bowl to commence with eating my troubles away.  As I scooped ice cream, my eyes began to fill with tears.  Next thing I know, I’m in full blown ugly cry.  You know, the kind of cry where you hyperventilate a little, your face contorts, and your upper lip quivers.  The ten days worth of events played back in my mind like a bad movie.  I tried to figure out where I went wrong.  By this time, I was sitting on my kitchen flow crying mega tears in my bowl of ice cream and it was at that moment I realized, life happens. Boom! Revelation!

One of the great things about going through things is that you can learn many things about yourself IF you choose.  I had a few choices to make:  I could give up and shut down my business throwing away the hard work I’ve done for quite some time now OR I could evaluate each instance and create a plan of action.  Now, being the goalslayer that I am, of course I chose to evaluate and create.

Whether we like it or not, bad things happen at the most inopportune times.  We can have great momentum slaying every goal in sight when out of now where comes technology problems, double-parked cars, or whatever to stop you dead in your tracks.  Think about it this way, if you were not up to something worth challenging, you would not be challenged.

There are over 300 days left in 2017 and I cannot dwell on the ten days that were not so pleasant. There are better days ahead and that gives me hope.  Hope to believe that all things are working together for my good.  Hope that things will get better.  Hope that my hard work will pay off and my return of investment will cause me to appreciate the tough times.

Every day will not be full of wins.  When we take an “L”  go back and view the film.  Take one instance at a time, create an action plan, and adjust accordingly.  I picked myself off of my kitchen floor with my perfectly crafted bowl of ice cream, wiped my tears and grabbed my notebook.  By the time I had taken the last bite, I felt relieved not because of the ice cream, but because I had a sense of peace.  Even when things don’t go as I had intended, there is a greater plan at work.  Nobody told me that journey would be easy but my heart is telling me that the journey will be worth it.  Step by step…little by little.

Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

New Year’s Resolutions Working or Nah?

I have a confession to make. I absolutely hate New Year’s resolutions!  Why? Because they do not work. Studies show that 80% of people who make New Year’s resolutions quit by February 1st and by March 1st, less than five percent of people who set New Year’s resolutions are still pursuing them. Let’s pause for a moment. This blog is not to make you feel bad for not sticking with your resolutions and it is not meant to make you feel good about being in hot pursuit of them. This blog is meant to inspire you to:  1. NEVER EVER EVER set another New Year’s resolution and 2. Give you an intentional plan to help you set and slay your goals throughout the year.

The top resolutions people set are usually ones that involve breaking some type of habit.  Old habits are hard to break and setting a resolution does not guarantee the habit will be broken when the clock strikes midnight on January 1st.  We tend to set ourselves up for failure by making too many resolutions and not being laser focused on one change at a time.  Now, I know we live in a microwave society that has caused us to think that we can get results in less than a minute; however, if we want to be successful, we have to roll up our sleeves and put in some work.

From this point on, I want you to throw away the words “New Year’s Resolution(s)” and replace them with one word, “goals”.  In order to break old habits, we must replace them with good habits and turn those good habits into intentional goals.  Grab your journal and let’s get to slaying.

The key to slaying goals is having a clear vision.

Ask yourself these questions:

  1.  What do I want to accomplish?
  2. What will my life be like when I slay this goal?
  3. Who will I impact when I slay this goal?
  4. How will I feel once I slay this goal?
  5. What has been holding me back from slaying this goal? Be honest with yourself here.  It’s not about the thing that has been holding you back, but the breakthrough you can have by identifying the stronghold.
  6. What is the one thing that I can do to overcome what has been holding me back?

Once you answer these questions next you want to set the goal, attach the goal to a plan and then take action.  Do these things through out the year and you will be slaying goals like a pro.

Ready…Set…LIVE!!!

EmPOWERed Action:  Go through the questions listed above and answer each one honestly.  Take your time.  Set one goal for this week and slay it.  Email me and let me know how I can assist you with slaying your goals. hello@livingmyempoweredlife.com