Today I received an email from a wedding vendor congratulating me on my first wedding anniversary. What a sweet gesture, right? Only there is one problem, I am not married. The vendor was on that my ex and I used while planning our wedding. To my surprise, I was not hit with a bumper crop of emotions by the appearance of this email. I have gone through breakups before, but this one was different. This was different because it was leading to marriage and marriage was something that I had desired for a long time.
I had to make the tough decision to call off my engagement (which reminds me, I have a wedding gown to sell) and end a three year relationship. Now, before you start giving me the “you go girl” cheers, I have to be real with you. I ignored red flags, the warnings of my support system, my own gut instinct, and the Voice of God. Because of my ignore game, I went through a WHOOOOOOOOLE lot of unecessary crap. I was a woman in love with potential (we will talk about being in love with potential later).
But I digress, back to my facination about my lack of emotion over the email. When I read the email, I felt a sense of peace about the decision I made. When peace took over, I knew that I was healed from the realtionship. You see, sometimes, the end of a thing is just the beginning of something greater and a loss really is not a loss. Once my engagement ended, I started two businesses, met my favorite NFL Quarterback, and many other things that I was not able to do while in that relationship. Staying in a toxic relationship was no longer and option. Did it hurt to call off my engagement? Yes. Am I glad the relationship is over? ABSOLUTELY! The things I have learned and experienced created a happy ending and exciting beginning. Toxic relationships, whether they are business or personal, kill. Toxic relationships will stop you from slaying the goals you set and finishing things you have started. Toxic relationships will keep you stagnant and prevent you from living the emPOWERed life that you deserve.
How do I know I was in a toxic relationship? When I stopped liking the person I saw in the mirror while I was with him. I did not like the woman who dulled her shine to stroke his ego. I did not like the woman who stopped slaying her goals out of fear of losing my him. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not hate my ex and I wish him the absolute best; however, just because you love someone does not mean they have to be directly connected to your life. My joy, peace, and creativity depend on me being free of toxicity.
I am thankful for the email reminder because it caused me to think about where I am now compared to where I was while in the relationship, Freedom is a precious gift. It is your job to protect it. Do not be afaid to remove your self from toxic relationships. Your future self with thank you for it. Ready…Set…LIVE!!!
Grab your journal for this one.
- Write down the names of the people in your inner circle, casual relationships and professional relationships.
- Beside each name, write down how you feel and/or accomplish when are with them.
- Beside each name, write down if that person adds to or subtracts from your well being.
- Create your toxic relationship exit strategy. What are you going to do to get out and stay out of the toxic relationship?